I have been thinking about Simon and Sarah Kabu, the founders of Bonfire Adventures.
The couple built more than just a successful travel business—they’ve created memories for countless people: newlyweds embarking on honeymoons, families going on a getaway, old folks going to celebrate milestones of love, hustlers looking to explore various parts of the world for the first time, and so on.
Yet, as news of their marital struggles and potential divorce emerges, it reminds us of a sobering truth: no matter how perfect things appear on the surface, conflict can unravel even the strongest bonds, especially when love and work are intertwined. key factors that lead to the breakdown of marriages
I don’t know the backstory of what really happened to the two, but the Kabus’ story highlights the complexities of relationship conflict, particularly in marriages where the stakes are heightened by shared responsibilities, long work hours, and the pressure of raising children.
The thing is, the Kabus’ story isn’t unique—there are statistics that show 56% of marriages end in divorce, while another 20%-30% of couples stay together only for the sake of their children. The love that once mesmerized, died a long time ago. This suggests that many people, perhaps even those commenting on the Kabus’ situation, are quietly navigating their own versions of marital discord.
The reality of conflict is that it doesn’t appear overnight; it builds gradually. Renowned relationship experts like Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Harriet Lerner have identified key factors that lead to the breakdown of marriages:
1. Poor Communication: Partners stop listening to each other, resorting to criticism, defensiveness, or stonewalling.
2. Lack of Quality Time: Busy schedules, especially in entrepreneurial families, leave little room for connection.
3. Unequal Responsibilities: Resentment grows when one partner feels they’re shouldering more of the emotional, financial, or household burden.
4. Unrealistic Expectations: Couples often enter marriage with ideals of perfection, only to feel disappointed when reality doesn’t match up.
5. Loss of Intimacy: Emotional and physical intimacy often decline when conflicts remain unresolved.
Sadly, when conflict invades a relationship, it doesn’t just affect the couple—it ripples out into their children, extended family, and even their professional lives.
Here’s how relationship conflict takes its toll:
1. Emotional Burnout: Conflict drains emotional energy. Partners begin to feel unseen, unheard, and undervalued, which erodes the very foundation of the relationship. Over time, even the smallest disagreements can spiral into full-blown arguments because the emotional reservoir is already depleted. key factors that lead to the breakdown of marriages
2. Impact on Children: Children often bear the brunt of marital strife. They pick up on tension, overhear arguments, or sense the coldness between parents. Studies show that children in high-conflict homes are more likely to struggle with anxiety, depression, and difficulties forming healthy relationships of their own.
3. Work-Life Collision: For couples like Simon and Sarah, who run a business together, the challenges are amplified. Work-related disagreements easily spill into the home, and personal conflicts often disrupt the workplace. The line between “partner” and “colleague” blurs, making it difficult to separate professional decisions from personal grievances.
4. Societal Pressure and Stigma: Many couples, especially public figures like the Kabus, face immense societal pressure to maintain the appearance of a perfect relationship. This can prevent them from addressing issues openly or seeking help, leaving problems to fester until separation becomes the only option.
On the positive, there are lessons we can learn from the Kabus:
1. Conflict Isn’t Always a Sign of Failure
While divorce is often seen as a “failure,” it can also be a courageous decision to prioritize personal well-being and happiness. For some couples, staying together might only prolong the hurt.
As famed relationship therapist Esther Perel notes in The State of Affairs, “Some relationships are not meant to last forever. They’re meant to teach us something, about love, about ourselves, and about life.”
2. Business and Marriage Need Clear Boundaries
Running a business together can strain even the strongest marriages. Couples should establish clear boundaries between work and personal life. Schedule time to reconnect as partners—not colleagues—and respect each other’s individual roles.
3. Seek Help Early
Most couples wait far too long before seeking professional help. Gottman’s research reveals that couples in distress wait an average of six years before starting therapy. By then, the damage is often too severe to repair.
4. Conflict Can Be an Opportunity for Growth
While it’s painful, conflict can also lead to growth. If approached constructively, it can help couples uncover unmet needs, redefine their relationship, and find ways to reconnect.
Isitoshe,
The Kabus’ situation forces us to reflect not only on the fragility of relationships but also on our own lives. Many of us are walking around carrying hidden struggles, pretending everything is fine because society expects it.
Do not be fooled by what you see on social media. The truth is, no one has it all figured out. However, there are some proven tactics you can use whenever in a relationship conflict:
1. Communicate Honestly: Share your feelings openly, even if it’s uncomfortable. Remember that uncommunicated expectations are a ground for resentment.
2. Set Realistic Expectations: Love isn’t always about grand gestures—it’s about showing up every day.
3. Protect Your Relationship: Prioritize time together, even amid the chaos of work and parenting.
4. Don’t Be Afraid to Let Go: Sometimes, ending a relationship isn’t giving up—it’s making room for something better.
I sure do hope that the Kabus find that spark that brought them together in the first place. I believe they have so much in common that it just makes sense to work it out!
May the day break.
